
“…they would never set them up that way,” gravely insists a tearful millennial and spoken word poet, Jasmine Mans, in a visceral performance of the seemingly biographical poem, “I Know You Didn’t Mean To Kill Him.” This is a dissection of America’s frustration, madness, trauma, heartbreak, and injustice in the wake of gun violence, and the sharing of empathy for the sake of sympathy needed to humanize the monsters as America’s youth has taken to the task of canonizing the martyrs of the most recent tragedy. Authored by Rebecca Harris, Chief Editor of The Existential Millennial With conviction in every gesture, Mans arms extend like a preacher’s at the pulpit, using her hands as rhythmically as her words to expand the boldness and emphasize the power of each line. Earnestly written, passionately performed, and emotionally gripping, Mans’ poem expresses a frustration regarding the madness of gun cculture and trauma caused by the the heartbreak of gun violence that’s currently plaguing communities across the country many Americans can relate to, especially after the latest mass shooting of a Parkland, Florida High School that’s left 17 dead.
While Mans is speaking directly to her community —specifically, young men of color, entangled in their plight and mindlessly seeking redemption, perpetuating the violence and death on scales higher than any other ethnic community—it cannot be ignored that the epidemic has become pandemic, spreading throughout the country, regardless of region, race, or socioeconomic class. In fact, according to studies gun violence seems to be in a tragic disposition on an international scale or as Vox reports states it, “In the developed world, these levels of gun violence are a uniquely American problem.” [an incomplete list of Vox report]
“I wanted to know how his sucicidal thinking became homocidal.” The New York Times: “They want to die, but to bring many others down with them…” Research on the trauma caused — or PTSD — to those who have survived a shooting, experienced one as an eyewitness, or vicariously experienced one through knowing someone who has experienced a mass shooting “is not extensive,” according to The National Center for Post-traumatic Stress Disorder in a 2017 study published in 2017 on the IMPACT OF MASS SHOOTINGS ON SURVIVORS, FAMILIES, AND COMMUNITIES; however, despite that the research is slim, what has been conducted “is sufficient to allow preliminary conclusions about (1) the prevalence, persistence, and predictors of post-shooting PTSD; (2) the nature of survivor and community concerns; and (3) lessons learned for response.” Highlights from the PTSD RESEARCH QUARTERLY article : Lori Alhadeff, Mother of 14-year-old Alyssa Alhadeff “I Know You Didn’t Mean To Kill Him” was uploaded to Youtube in 2012 by The Strivers Row; the video has received over 550k views with top comments quoting some of the most impactful lines of Mans’ poem, like: Mother of Ben Wheeler one of 28 murdered Sandy Hook Elementary School | 6 years old Shooter: Adam Lanza, 20 “Ben’s love of fun and his excitement at the wonders of life were unmatched. His boundless energy kept him running across the soccer field long after the game was over. And he couldn’t wait to get to school every morning. He sang with perfect pitch, and just played at his 3rd piano recital. Irrepressibly bright and spirited, Ben experienced life at full tilt – until that morning, 20 of our children and 6 of our educators gone… out of the blue…” – Francine Wheeler Mother of Bailey Holt one of two killed Marshall County High School | 15 years old Shooter: Gabe Parker, 15 “He took our baby from us. She made me a mama for the first time. I’ll never be able to get that back. She called me and all I could hear was voices and chaos in the background and she didn’t say anything… Even though she was 15, she had already decided her career was going to be a labor and delivery nurse… She helped others… She was just so kindhearted and the most amazing kid anybody could ever ask for. Her smile could light up the room…” – Secret Holt Mother of Alyssa Alhadeff one of 17 murdered Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School | 14 years old Shooter: Nikolas Cruz, 19 “How? How do we allow a gunman to come into our children’s school? How do they get through security? What security is there? There’s no metal detectors. The gunman, a crazy person, just walks right into the school, knocks down the window of my child’s door and starts shooting. Shooting her. Killing her. President Trump! You say what can you do? You can stop the guns from getting into these children’s hands?” – Lori Alhadeff | CNN Mother of Dylan Kelbold Columbine High School 34 total shot | 21 injured | 13 killed age: 17 “I felt that I was a good mom. Part of the shock of this was that learning that what I believed, how I lived, and how I parented was an invention in my own mind. That he could talk to me about anything. He went out and got me a gift… I thought everything was fine, because he was so sweet.” – Sue Klebold “Sometimes he would seem distant or quiet… He seemed so tired… And I let it go… If it were me today, I would dig and dig and dig. I mean I had all those illusions that everything was okay, because, more than else, my love for him was so strong. I don’t ever for a moment mean to imply that I am not conscious of the fact that he was a killer, because I am.” – Sue Klebold Mother of Charlie Roberts West Nickel Mines School 10 total shot | 5 injured | 5 killed age: 32 “The Amish School shooting was the darkest day of my life. I know when I went to bed that first night, I cried out to God and said, ‘This is awful.’ Anytime before in my life I could alway think whatever happened to me at least it’s not as bad as so-and-so. This is as bad as it gets. I had never heard of a crime worse than what my son had done this day…” – Terri Roberts Grieving is an injustice in itself, but it is a pain that is universal to all, even the most “wicked” among us. What a cold and lonely existence, regardless of the duration, to live outside of human morality… Nikolas Cruz, nine-teen and motherless, mentally ill and emotionally void, looking like a pale target in his bright orange jumpsuit against the discerning sea of blue with ears almost comically similar to those of Disney’s Pinocchio, with all the meek shyness of the fictional character yet none of the mirth. “Nikolas Cruz,” asked the Honorable Kim Theresa Mollica. “Yes, ma’am,” Cruz replies respectfully with an ease that lends an impression that the response was not coached but automatic, more the tone of a well-mannered young man who was raised properly. “Okay, sir. You are charged with 17 counts of premeditated murder. I have something very important to tell you. You’re charged with some very serious crimes…” … and how isolating it must be to struggle to grow seeds of ethics in a barren conscience that a mother’s love couldn’t even sow. Would it be so unreasonable to consider how this emptiness could breed more emptiness or how such emptiness might seek company? From the previously stated PTSD RESEARCH QUARTERLY publication: “Feelings of helplessness with regard to prevention were also widespread.” – PTSD Research Quarterly An interview conducted by Oprah Winfrey with Francine Wheeler and David Wheeler, the parents of 6-year-old Ben Wheeler who was shot by Adam Lanza December 14th, 2012: Commercial Break/ Casting Call “To the boys—the boys who’ve made chalk outlines of so many of my childhood friends… I know, I know you didn’t mean to kill… And I love you… And I forgive you because I know a God whose mercy has already made room in his Kingdom for even sinners like you.” Hannah Dysinger, fellow class mate of Bailey Holt, one of twenty people shot by Gabe Parker in the mass shooting of Marshall County High School in Kentucky January 24th, 2018… From the previously cited PTSD RESEARCH QUARTERLY publication: Anger was common, although not usually directed at the shooters themselves, who sometimes were viewed with some sympathy. – PTSD Research Quarterly Secret Holt, Mother of Bailey Holt: “I want him to pay for what he’s done, but I also want to pray for him, too, because I know he’s probably having a hard time too…” Tori Roberts, Mother of Charlie Roberts, from her CBS interview: Authored by Rebecca Harris of B_History or Bxhistory.com, the captain of The Existential Millennial and your future bestie! What are your thoughts – opinions? Post them below or submit a full essay on your thoughts, concerns, or criticism (my favorite). Either way, I hope to hear from you. Thanks for reading! B_History (I’m B!) is a site for intellectual types; not a blog. There are many places like it, but this one is special. The Existential Millennial is a space to exchange insightful ideas, develop new perspectives, and draw parallels backed by evidence with the mission of generating a place for knowledge, contemplation, and thoughtful discussion; not opinionated monologue, bias expression, or fallacious arguments with cheap conclusions. Have any questions, concerns, or submissions? Follow this project: Become an Ex_Mill – join via the drop down menu at the top – get notified of new content from me, B, and other incredible intellectual Ex_Mills like yourself! Do you Tweet? Of course you do! Tweet with me! Let’s be twitter twins! @TheEx_Mill I truly can’t wait to make your acquaintance! Oh, and let you know your thoughts on this piece – sticks and stones may break my bones, but critiques only improve my efficiency! 1 ” If a white man dies from gunfire, the odds are that he pulled the trigger himself. If a black man dies from gunfire, the odds are that someone else pulled the trigger, usually another black man.” Read more at: https://www.nationalreview.com/magazine/2017-02-20-0000/gun-violence-and-race-conservatives-gun-owners
Frustration
“This world has given them nothing at all to lose and everything to prove, so they stand on the frontlines, naked, ready to make a man of themselves with the only tools *click-clack* this world has ever given [them] to use.“
However, despite the disdain she spits, by the end of Mans’ tirade against the injustice – both cultural and systematic – she makes amends with the suffering through finding empathy for the sake of sympathy, because as bitter a pill it is to swallow, sharing awareness and giving forgiveness is perhaps the only cure to the disease of gun violence where prevention falls short.
Madness
“Someone’s baby became a murderer last night, and none of us remembered to cry for him – to pray for him; to ask God to take the hate and malice out of his heart; to ask him: “Boy where’d you get all that hate from, all that culture, all those God damn guns – those damn GUNS from?!”
2018 Gun Violence As of February 18, 2018
MOST Gun deaths are suicides
The states with the most guns report the most suicides
Guns allow people to kill themselves much more easily
Trauma
Heartbreak
“Can never tell the difference between the mother of the murdered and the mother of the murderer. Both are shook and solemn. Both eyes and memory blue in tint. Both lost their grips when they lost their sons. Developed a stutter in their palms One became scared of her shadow. While the other just became one.”
The Mothers of The Murdered
Francine Wheeler,
Secret Holt,
Lori Alhadeff,
The Mothers of the Murderers
Sue Klebold,
Terri Roberts,
Injustice
“And all— all we gave him was his Miranda Rights and a couple of seconds left to plead for his life in front of a God and a world he never thought loved him in the first place… Gotta ask us to have mercy on his soul when we never even taught him how to pray before.”
The Mind of Those Who Kill, and Kill Themselves
“Their thinking is impaired and they’ve lost acess to tools of self-governance.” – Sue Klebold, Mother of Dylan Klebold, TEDTalk
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